Freedom of BLEEP

Thousands of liberal Twitter users are shocked and disgusted by racism on the Landover Baptist Church website.

But Landover Baptist isn’t a real church. It was created by liberal activists to make Christians appear racist. Meanwhile, liberal masses lack the intellectual capacity to realize the website is a hoax. This page has been widely discussed throughout the liberal blogosphere because many liberal pea-brains think Landover is a real church.

Don’t liberals preach tolerance? Is it tolerant to mock a religion, even to the point of slander and intentional misrepresentation? It’s hard to understand how libel fits into the definition of tolerance.

Therein lies the hypocrisy of liberalism. You see, liberals have changed the definition of tolerance to better suit their agenda. It’s perfectly fine to believe whatever you want, so long as you believe exactly what they believe. Liberals say tolerance is accepting other beliefs as true; merely respecting alternate belief systems, to liberals, is another degree of intolerance. And if you refuse to uphold this liberal dogma then you are a heartless bigot that deserves to be ridiculed.

In reality, liberals are often some of the most hateful and intolerant people on the face of this earth.

On CNN, Jeff Johnson said, “When you can be in a church, and if you just say Jesus, the people will shout. Now, if you just say Obama, people will shout.”

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution wrote, “At Oakhurst Presbyterian in Decatur, 40 Obama worshippers gathered Thursday evening to reflect upon Obama’s victory.”

On NBC’s Tonight Show, Chris Matthews said, “If you’re in [a room] with Obama, you feel the spirit. Moving.”

Rev. Lawrence Carter of MLK International Chapel at Morehouse College said, “It is powerful and significant on a spiritual level that there is the emergence of Barack Obama… No one saw him coming, and Christians believe God comes at us from strange angles and places we don’t expect, like Jesus being born in a manger.”

Movie star Susan Sarandon said, “He was a community organizer like Jesus was.”

In Time Magazine, Nancy Gibbs wrote, “Some princes are born in palaces. Some are born in mangers. But a few are born in the imagination, out of scraps of history and hope.”

LA Times writer, Joel Stein said, “Maybe it’s a religious revelation. I’ve never had one of those… The messiah would make an excellent president. That’s half the job, making people feel saved. And Obama does that. If you make people feel like you can save them, half of them are already saved.”

Jesse Jackson, Jr. said, “What Barack Obama has accomplished is the single most extraordinary event that has occurred in the 232 years of the nation’s political history. … The event itself is so extraordinary that another chapter could be added to the Bible to chronicle its significance.”

Representative Steve Cohen said, “Jesus was a community organizer, Pontius Pilate was a governor.”

On CNN, Donna Brazile also said, “Jesus was a community organizer, Pontius Pilate was a governor.”

On MSNBC, Chris Matthews said, “In the Bible they talk about Jesus serving the good wine last, I think [Obama] did the same.”

The Chicago Sun-Times proclaimed Obama is “not just an ordinary human being but indeed an Advanced Soul.”

On MSNBC, Chris Matthews also said, “This is the New Testament… I felt this thrill going up my leg. I mean, I don’t have that too often.”

Our Father, who art in Washington,

callowed be thy name;

thy kingdom come;

thy will be done,

to make the US as it is in Cuba.

Give us this day our digital TV rebates.

And let us overlook your trespasses,

as we blame everything on Bush.

Lead us not into wealth;

but deliver us from working.

For thine is the kingdom,

the power, and the glory,

until America realizes you are a nutjob.

Amen.