Freedom of BLEEP

Former comedian Al Franken apparently believes that democracy is a joke. After the recount, Franken pulled ahead in the Minnesota Senate election - but now 25 precincts have more ballots than voters who signed in to vote.

Shortly after the election, “misplaced” ballots began to show up exactly where you would expect to find tickets favoring a democratic candidate, such as the car of an election official and an old storage warehouse. And just as you would expect, a vast majority of these ballots racked up additional votes for Franken. It’s almost funny.

But it’s not only the newly “found” ballots that are landing extra Franken votes. Numerous votes have been double-counted. We can thank the entrusted election officials again, who made duplicates of “damaged ballots” but failed to separate the originals.

It seems the board of elections in Minnesota does not share our nostalgia for the good old days when votes only counted once. One board member, State Supreme Court Justice G. Barry Anderson, acknowledged it is “very likely there was a double counting,” yet the board says they don’t have the authority to question local officials. There are more ballots than voters, and merely acknowledging the likelihood of double counting is the best they can do.

During the recount, the board only made decisions that favored Franken. Hennepin County precinct had 133 less ballots in the recount, but the board went with the election night total: a net gain of 43 votes for Franken. But when Ramsey County precinct ended up with 177 more ballots than election night, they went with the new recount total: a net gain of 37 votes for Franken. This all seems like a bad joke.

Not Photoshopped

As the economic crisis worsened, Obama stood before a crowd in Dayton, Ohio, and pointed to the “greed and irresponsibility that stretched from Wall Street to Washington.”

Mr. Obama should eat his words after recruiting a former investment banker and current Washington insider as the highest ranking member of his staff. Emanuel not only made millions on Wall Street, he was also appointed by Clinton to the board of Freddie Mac where he received a generous salary for attending “quarterly meetings.” During Emanuel’s tenure, Freddie mistated its earnings by over $5 billion in an attempt to defaud investors, and was fined $50 million by the SEC. Freddie also received a $3.8 million slap on the wrist after providing illegal campaign contributions, many of which went to representatives who sat on none-other-than the House Financial Services Committee. After Emanuel’s stint as a director, Freddie graciously supplied his campaign with another generous donation - even earning a spot as the third highest contributor in his first run for the House. Now that’s some change we can count on.

In order to drown our sorrows after this disappointing election, we encourge everyone to go out and buy some delicious imported beer in order to counteract the poor sales. Save the industry!